Helen fisher online dating
With the election, we hear how candidates need to "frame the issue better." At work, our boss tells us to "frame the problem differently." While I'm listening to a guided meditation, the voice of Andy Puddicombe, an ex Buddhist monk, soothingly tells me, "A big part of [meditation] is how we frame the exercise.By changing your outlook, the mind softens." So I thought, OK, if framing is such a powerful force, how can we leverage it in the world of dating? D., author of and an authority on the intersection of neurons and Cupid. "It's always modifying itself to see this way or that." As part of her research, Fisher recruited people who said they're madly in love, hooked them up to MRIs, and scanned their brains. The green-eyed monster, as Shakespeare called it, can camp in your head at any time during a relationship: when you are madly in love, when you are snugly attached, even when you dislike your partner. In one experiment involving a breeding pair, evolutionary biologist David Barash waited until the cock was away, and then placed a stuffed male on a branch about three feet from the nest, where the female rested. Jealousy—that sickening combination of possessiveness, suspicion, rage, and humiliation—can overtake your mind and threaten your very core as you contemplate your rival.But the "monster" actually evolved for positive reasons.Throughout our primordial past it discouraged desertion by a mate, bolstering the family unit and enabling the survival of the young.How to find your match Type: The Negotiator Traits: Imaginative, intuitive, empathetic, and emotionally expressive, and have good verbal and social skills.How to find your match Plus: Why we're wired to find love!
The love laboratory where Fisher has conducted her research is Chemistry.com, an affiliate of Match.com, the largest dating service online."So the brain is built to overlook things." Scientists suspect that this positive framing stems from a chunk of the brain called the medial prefrontal cortex, which Fisher describes as "a brain region that's linked with positive illusions.'" It also makes us less likely to notice or care about someone's faults. It's a small tweak that shifts our mind-set from expecting failure (and hoping not to be disappointed) to anticipating a positive outcome (and knowing it's not the end of the world if the guy's a dud).